Greg's Big Trip

Adelaide

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 02:14:00 +0000

I'm in Melbourne again now, but let me tell you about Adelaide...

As we stopped for lunch in the town of Frances just on the border of Victoria and South Australia, a man in a suit stopped to ask what we were doing lolling around on the grass outside a pub. After we explained and said we were traveling to Adelaide, he said "Ahh, Adelaide? That's where people go to die. Heh, I shouldn't say that; I'm from Adelaide". When speaking to Aussies about Adelaide in the past, the worst I've heard is that "Adelaide has the worst drinking water in the world; cargo ships refuse to fill their tanks there". As such, it seems that the locals think of Adelaide as a smaller version of Brisbane.

They may be right, but I liked Brisbane, and my time in Adelaide was fine, even though at the time, I was complaining of having nothing to do.

The YHA hostel was friendly and welcoming; with a pool table, lovely kitchen, a home-brew jukebox PC and a ping-pong table.

I went with a girl I'd met called Christina (who claims to have worked as an abseiling high-rise window-cleaner back in Sydney) to a "Reconciliation Faire". There were all manner of freebies,; radios, tennis balls, stickers, lanyards and even free hot-dogs. I had a chat with a man from a stall who turned out to be Aboriginal who was a lawyer specialising in Indigenous Relations and who traveled around the country (often camping under the stars) to meet the far-out tribes and groups, discussing their needs. He was called Fred.

After that, a few days passed. Coffee was drunk from the coffeehouse in the middle of Rundel St Mall, I read my book* and ping was ponged.

On the last night before I flew to Sydney, one of the guys came running into the common room exclaiming "There's a table football competition in the bar down the road! - No teams have entered yet and they need five teams to make the league. The winning team gets a $100 bar tab! We should go, then whoever wins can share out the beers!"

So we did. All eight of us. There turned out to be one other team made up of locals.

Huzzar, one of the YHA teams won (the team I was on "The Drop-Bears" came third), and so we drank late into the evening. The barman even ordered pizza for us! (It looked good, it smelt good too... ).

And so I left Adelaide, drunk on winning, and hung over from the resultant celebrations.

* I was despirate for a book to read; the only one I could find that wasn't a soppy romance book was a compilation of Jeremy Clarkson's column from the Sunday Times. Sorry :(

That which is nothing

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 02:02:00 +0000

We bought a fruit. It looked tasty and it was cheap from the Queen Victoria Market in Melbourne. The woman at the stall assured us that it was delicious, that you could eat both the fruit itself and the skin.

For the princely sum on AU$1, we took the persimmon back to the hostel, split it in four and started eating it.

Persimmons are the worst fruit in the world. Not because they taste bad. Because they are lazy. They have no flavour, they have no taste, their texture is that of indifference. Persimmons just don't try. At all. They taste and feel of nothing. They give you nothing in return for your AU$1, and you are left with a heart heavy with disappointment.

Groovy Grape from Melbourne to Adelaide

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sat, 31 May 2008 03:14:00 +0000

Whilst in Melbourne, at a loss as to what to do next, Laura and Kate suggested I travel along the Great Ocean Road to Adelaide with "Groovy Grape". I'd never heard of the company, but I trusted their recommendation and booked the trip.

There were seven of us (three Brits, two Canadians, one German girl and a Dutch girl), as well as Jen, our guide and driver from South Wales(!). Our three day drive from Melbourne to Adelaide was a blast; BBQs, fish and chips, the "Round The Twist" Lighthouse, the 12 Apostles (rocks in the sea - currently there are only 9 left standing), the Grampians (a mountain range) and a climb up Mount Hollow. One lunchtime, Jen asked if we'd like to play in the maze of the park we were eating lunch in. We agreed and then I saw a zipwire. Lunch was forgotten as we ran and zip'd back and forth along the wire. Brill!

This is just a quick summary of what happened; I'll update further when I have a bit more internettle time :)

So Long Sunshine, Hello Victoria

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Fri, 30 May 2008 09:06:00 +0000

I arrived in Melbourne a few weeks ago... I'm not sure when to be precise, but a while back or thereabouts. I flew down on Virgin Blue and arrived at the YHA Melbourne Central hostel. The surly woman behind the counter seemed to disapprove of me, yet the hostel was friendly enough.

I befriended a group of cool Canadians and hung around with them for the two or three weeks I was in Melbourne. It mostly involved lazing around, walking through the city, mooching on the free Yarra Tram and Melbourne tourist shuttle, shopping in the Victoria Markets and drinking. Stacie had a birthday, so we went to Wagamamas*!!!

I also met up with a British girl I met in Hervey Bay who was traveling south at the time and ended up in Melbourne. Her, her friend and I also mooched around and lived the dream; we even went to an AFL game at the MCG.

Laura, Kate, Dan and I were walking along the north bank of the Yarra when we fell upon a reel of fishing wire. Dan followed the wire into the water, started pulling and discovered an eel on the end of it! To cries of "Throw the damn thing back! Don't touch it", he tried to unhook it. The eel wasn't so helpful and covered his hands and coat in eel slime. Eww!

The people in my dorm were somewhat weird; a bloke from the WA mines (Rio-Tinto or BHP Biliton) and a bloke who was making podcasts of weird people; he showed me a picture of a girl who was having a "scar tattoo" - ouch! They were both Olympic-standard snorers :(

Melbourne definitely has a Cafe Culture. You can't walk down a street without navigating through bustling cafes bursting onto the pavement.

For my final day, we went to a coffee shop that was recommended to me by my ex project manager friend from Seven. It turned out to be a long way from the centre, but it was filled with caek and very good cwoffee, so we didn't mind that much! :D

*The staff at Wagamama QV Melbourne were useless; they didn't know about the 250Points = Free Wagamama T-Shirt, and the night manager had to be told by another member of staff that Sydney was in Australia! The food was good, so if you find yourself in Melbourne, check it out, but make sure you don't ask them any er tricky geographical questions :P

Road Trip from Cairns to Cape Tribulation

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Fri, 16 May 2008 03:18:00 +0000

Back in Magnetic Island, I bumped into a girl called Tanja; it turned out we both wanted to travel up to the Daintree and Cape Tribulation. I left Magnetic Island shortly after, then she caught up with me in Cairns. We rented ourselves a Wicked Van.

We picked up our van from somewhere in North Cairns. We hadn't pre-booked one, but they found a van for us* and we drove happily (if tentatively) back into Cairns city centre to pick up our bags from the hostel. We stocked up the van with food and water from Bi-Lo, then drove off northwards. First stop, petrol. Could we find the petrol cap? Eventually. Once we had, could we find the release lever? We had to ask a couple in a HippyCamper(tm) van. :)

Once filled up, we drove north along the Cook Highway to Port Douglas, stopping half way at a lookout over the Pacific ocean. A guy was flying his R/C glider as a couple of other people watched the waves crash onto the shore.

Tanja drove from the lookout up to Port Douglas; She's a very good driver, but could well be more used to Autobahns than windy roads :D We arrived in Port Douglas at around 4pm, just as the Tourist Information bureau was shutting up shop. We were directed to "Dougies" Campsite and Hostel, which turned out to be a great place to stay. It even had a huge picture of a monkey sitting on a deckchair with a cocktail and a hat... Amazing!

It turned out that Tanja is a teacher of sports and technology (including cooking). I hadn't eaten so well from a hostel kitchen for a long time! Yum!

I was a bit apprehensive about the van; the floor was hard and the matrices were thin, but it turned out to be quite comfortable. Plus, with the window open, you could fall asleep to the sounds of the birds and animals outside.

From Dougies, we drove north again to Mosman Gorge (see photos). As we drove up there, we saw an aboriginal walking with no shoes along the lonely stretch of road we had been driving down for some time. We suspected he was paid to walk up and down it, to give a sense of authenticity to the tourists :P.

Mosman Gorge was a wonderful sight; a circular walk through the rainforest with swimming holes and a swing bridge. We took photos of each other sitting on rocks in a river; I found a good one to sit on, but couldn't get back - the rock was slippery and the water very fast flowing. After a good ten minutes of scrambling around from rock to rock, I eventually made it back to dry land and we walked back to the van for lunch. We sat on deckchairs behind our van eating sandwiches and watching the tourists drive past.

Continuing northwards, we drove along a dirt road to "Koalas" campsite, located by a river and on the sea. (Crocs?) We found a metal spike in the ground and wondered what it was for... it turns out it's used to open the coconuts that fall throughout the campsite. This was the first night we could see the stars as they were meant to be seen. Hundreds of thousands of them; the milky way; it was breathtaking. In addition to stars, we saw many cain toads too. No, we didn't play the national sport of Toad Hockey; we'll leave that to the locals.

There were some professional Aussie campers in Koalas. They had BBQs, Awnings, and seemed to be living in a hastily constructed Tentopolis! That night, I panicked as to whether we could drive the van so far north, but after checking the agreement it turned out to be fine.

The next day, we drove do the Daintree River ferry. Before crossing, we bought tickets to a Daintree river cruise and the Daintree Discovery Centre (a skywalk & tower tour). Crossing the river, we saw "Danger Crocodiles" signs (as we were to see for almost every river we crossed on our way up).

We stopped at the Daintree Discovery Centre and spent the rest of the morning exploring the different levels of the forest. We had hoped to see a cassowary, but they must have been hiding that day! The "Interactive Interpretive Exhibition" consisted of some forest fruit, a plastic cassowary and some hilariously bad 1980s stop-motion animated videos of the evolution of Australian wildlife. After a coffee in the cafe, we drove a short way to the Janga(?) boardwalk to have a picnic.

After lunch, we drove further northwards and stopped at the Daintree Ice Cream Company, nestled in an orchard containing all the fruits they use for their ice creams. I had a frozen mango juice and Tanja had the ice cream, which she confirmed was good.

Continuing our journey, we arrived in Cape Tribulation. Being a bit nervous of driving on dirt roads (by this point, we had seen that our rental agreement prohibited driving on unsealed roads), we tried a campsite on the sealed road into Cape Tribulation. This turned out to be deserted, so we took our chances and drove down the dirt road (er, I mean "long driveway") to "Cape Tribulation Campsite", which also a couple of metres from the beach. The guy at reception said that his campsite had the best rainwater in Australia; the prevailing wind blew from the ocean and the nearest landmass was South America. This was handy, as the rainwater from the roof of the kitchen was also the drinking water (goodness knows where the water from the non-drinking water taps came from!).

We spent two nights in Cape Tribulation, mostly lazing around and enjoying the fresh air, beach, boardwalks and bottleshop. :D We walked around a large circular boardwalk and also tried to walk along a forest path. Alas it was rather othergrown; to the point that we walked past the entrance twice. The first time we walked up the road to find it, it felt as if we'd walked half way to Cooktown!

After our two nights, we drove back down, crossed the Daintree River on the cable ferry and took the river cruse from Daintree Village. We could barely understand the chap giving the tour, but he had eagle-like eyes for spotting crocodiles and tree snakes.

We then drove back down to Dougies, spending the night relaxing and drinking; We had a bit of drink to finish off, as we had hoped to take part in the free sailing at the Port Douglas Yacht Club, but arrived too late and were too far down the list. We didn't mind, as it was a good place to sit and watch the sunset. As way of thank you to the yachtsman, we had bought beer, which we had to take back to the campsite and drink ourselves... what a shame! :D :D :D

The next day, we drove back to Cairns, said goodbye to our van and returned to the YHA Hostel, our adventure at an end.

This has definitely been the best five days of my trip so far. Wonderful stuff!

* The Beetles, see photos in the usual place.

Cairns

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Thu, 01 May 2008 06:40:00 +0000

I've arrived at the top of the Dog track! Cairns is a welcome change from the smaller towns (read villages/hamlets) that I've stayed in since leaving Brisy. They even have a small Myer - the Australian equivalent to John Lewis :D

The Dog was on time and schedule, unlike at Airlie beach, where we had to wait 4.5hrs... in the unrelenting heat of that afternoon we really got to know that bus shelter; and each other!

Whilst at Magnetic Island, I was befriended by another stray dog (why do the come to me? :/). I called the number on its collar; the chap at the other end of the line said he was stuck on the mainland and didn't know who else could look for it. Thankfully, a bloke turned up in a ute, asked if I was ok and said he'd take the dog to the local plant nursery (?!). Given that I couldn't do much with said dog, I agreed and called the owner back to inform him. The bloke picked up the beast, hoss'd him onto the flat bed of his ute and drove off; the dog just stood on the back, staring at the world as it went past in a way that only a dog could - CraZy!

The hostel in Cairns (another YHA) is friendly and clean. Alas the reception staff are somewhat ineffectual. I've played pool (and won on a technicality - my opponent potted the black. I myself potted the chalk, which was rather embarrassing). I even got to play with the new Canon 450D digital SLR... mmmm shiny... mmmm quick!

Tomorrow I go on an "Outer Reef Cruise", where we can snorkel and hopefully continue to loaf! (a 6:45am start will preclude this at first).

A Quick Book Review

Flat Earth News (Nick Davies) - Very good: give it a read!
Contest (Matthew Reilly) - Rubbish: don't!

Onwards and Upwards

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 21:45:00 +0000

Today I take the Dog to Cairns. Will report further on this northward progression once I arrive :)

Airlie Beach and Magnetic Island

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 06:49:00 +0000

(Warning: Confuzzled post ahead; due to: 1. lack of time, 2. heatstroke)

I'm now sitting in the only air-conditioned building in the hostel, here on Magnetic Island. It's h'officially toasty at all times. Even the dorms are open to the elements, with lots of netting for airflow.

I've been good, slop/slap/slurping™, or whatever it is they say to do to avoid sunburn over here. Alas, I'm not really cut out for craZy heat (hence travelling up in winter), and so seem to have acquired heatstroke. I can confirm this to be no fun. It's tough to concentrate; it took me 3 hours to read the newspaper today, and had quite a lot of newsprint on my face from where I had to take frequent rests between paragraphs! :P I had booked a sea canoeing trip for today; thankfully the company hadn't enough people sign-up to be able to run the course, so it was cancelled and I got my money back. There's no way I'd have survived a few hours out at sea on a canoe today! :o But enough with my tales of wobbliness!

After my last post in Rockhampton, I went on a cycle trip to Rockhampton botanic gardens and zoo (see photos) and also to the Rockhampton spire of the Tropic of Capricorn. Did I mention the stone-grilled steak in my last post? Maybe not. It was great; my steak arrived raw on a 400C stone slab. It was up to me to cook it to my own liking. Highly recommended!

From Rockhampton, I took the Dog up to Airlie beach. As we arrived, I felt mistakes had been made. My imaginings of an idyllic beachfront and calm serenity were shattered at the sight of drunken British backpackers stumbling from bar to bar.

Evidently first impressions count, and from that moment, I was ready to leave. Even Rockhampton - which I wasn't too keen on before - shone in comparison to Airlie beach.

So, after my few nights stay, I took the Dog up to Townsville, which I promptly bypassed and took the ferry to Magnetic Island.

I'm staying at Magnetic Island's Bungalow Bay YHA, which is part of a wildlife sanctuary. It's just down the road from Horseshoe Bay which is amazingly beautiful. There are tracks that lead to other almost deserted beaches.

I've mostly been chatting to German people whilst on the island (!), I think they like me as they can understand me, unlike the Aussies who they say make no sense! :P

I held a Koala during my "Koala Champagne Breakfast"* here at the YHA. The girl taking my photo couldn't get her camera to work, and so the poor koala became confused as to why I was holding it for so long. As way of thanks, it gave me a little brown gift on my new white T-shirt** :D They also brought around a snake (a carpet python) and a crocodile whilst we were eating. Great stuff!

*Comprising in true Aussie fashion of: Champagne, toast, sausages and fruit amongst other things.
** Clearly the Koala had noticed that my T-Shirt was from a competing YHA - it was the T-Shirt I had won for my "Services to Drinking" whilst staying at Hervey Bay :P

Brisbane, Hervey Bay and Rockhampton

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 21:40:00 +0000

I sit writing this in the sunshine under the awning of my ex-Olympic village unit (self contained, stackable) in the Rockhampton YHA. Here's the story from Sydney to here...

Saying farewell to Sydney, I took a cab from Wollstonecraft to the domestic airport terminal, driven by a friendly (albeit sex-mad) Turkish cabbie from the Stig school of motoring. The thirty-five minute journey took an edge-of-your-seat 15 minutes to complete as we bombed through the Sydney tunnels.

Scraping in at 0.4kg below the luggage limit, I flew Virgin Blue to Brisbane, then took the AirTrain to the city centre. My hostel - another YHA - was at the top of a hill of hostels on Upper Roma St. Clean and friendly, I spent most nights awake listening to the screeching of the coal trains navigating a tight corner nearby. Thankfully this would stop at 6am, to be replaced by the demolition team at 7am who kindly spent the day riping down the older rear YHA building that backed onto my room.

A cheerful Belgian chap completed the ambiance by filling the dorm with his er... 'unique' scent and entrancing us with his repertoire of snores (my 'favourite' being the "Silent-Gasp-Groaner", where he sounded as if he were drowning, then followed it through with a long, deep howl at the moon).

Brisbane itself was better than my Sydneyside friends had made out, though only just. Just like Sydney, Brisvegas is being constantly rebuild. The South Bank, complete with man made beach was calming, the Queen Street shopping hub was entertaining, complete with a week-long "Touch the Piano" competition to win said grand.

I finally bought a new camera (another Canon Ixus) and spent time in both Botanic Gardens, Mt Coot-tha, the Planetarium and QUT (Queensland University of Technology), when I was caught out in the rain & had to spend an afternoon drinking coffee & snoozing in their outdoor cafe*

I met some friendly people in the YHA. I was chatting to a woman in the computer area. Something about her attitude/outlook seemed very familiar. After further chats, she turned out to be another Beeber on a sabbatical too. This further fuels my theory that you can spot a Beebie in a lineup!

Whilst in Brissy, I took a day trip to Morton Island (swimming in a lagoon, sand-boarding etc) in a battered Toyota 4x4. - Great fun! We even saw a massive turtle - alas sadly demised; washed up on the beach.

I think seven nights in Brisbane was perhaps one too many, but it's worth visiting even if just using it as a stopping point.

I took the Dog to Hervey Bay (5hrs drive up the Bruce Highway) and was picked up by the YHA's minibus. On arrival, we were given juice and caek, and were then shown around the hostel. It was wonderful, practically a hotel. I booked my accommodation there as part of a Fraser Island tour, so was given an 8-share room. Even this room was impeccably clean, fresh and welcoming - no bunks either! I almost immediately booked a few nights more. Looking back, I wish I'd stayed longer. The bar had a swimming pool, spar and board games. Outside were table tennis, tennis and basket ball courts. The staff were always friendly & scarily remembered my name!

The weather wasn't so great, but was ok on the two days (one night) on Fraser Island. Having been in a 4x4 tour on Morton Island, I, like some of the others was disappointed at finding out the Fraser Island tour was on a 4x4 coach. Thankfully the group was a very friendly one (including the two French girls who joined from my hostel and a civil engineer who was having a 5* holiday from her work back in the UK).

The rainforests were beautiful & the perched lakes warm and welcoming.

The tour company had forgotten my accommodation on the island, so when it came to sleeping, they were rather embarrassed, and so gave me my own schnazzy tent! Yay!

Thankfully, two girls on a the tour were from Tourism Queensland, so knew what to bring - sherry, beer and lots of it! - so the evening went with a bang. A retired couple (part of Australia's Grey Nomads) told us of their life on a remote station in the outback.

Fraser Island was beautiful, but Morton Island (back near Brisbane) was the star attraction for me.

Back at Hervey Bay, the days consisted of loafing, cycling and mooching, followed by beer & card games with the various German, French and British travelers. I drank enough beer to claim my free T-shirt.

I had planned to go to Airlie Beach, but after discovering the ludicrous travel time on the coach, I elected to stop off in Rockhampton for two nights.

Compared to Hervey Bay, the hostel is a bit grim, but then again, HB was exceptionally good. The whole town smells of manure**.

It's the off-season, so when I went out to dinner at 8:45pm, having just stepped off the coach, the restaurant owner told me the chef had gone home at 8:30! So, in the home of beef, I had to make do with eating in a roadside chicken shop, sharing the view of the highway with a weird looking bloke and a gaggle of emo children.

Despite the fragrant nature of Rockhampton, two things stood out for me:

Why is there no orange glow in the distance? :P
Why do the clouds have a beautiful silver lining, but no orange belly? ;D

I'm treating myself to a cabin at the YHA. A plaque on the wall says that it was part of the Sydney 2000 Olympic & Media Village. All I care about is that this is the first time in a long time I've been able to use a hair-drier!

* I stuck my head into their CS lecture theatre... amazing! So much technology. Mind you, I should have guessed, as most students in the cafe were huddled in groups around their own laptops. How things have changed. :)
** Rockhampton is the beef capital of Australia, & where there's moo, there's poo. At night, they drive double-decker cattle lorries presumably to the abattoir, and the nervous cattle release their fear the only way they know how onto the Rockhampton highways.

The Last Wollstonecraft Post

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 23:52:00 +0000

Today is both a good day and a bad'un.

The good news is that I'm escaping Wollstonecraft to start exploring the rest of Australia as of tomorrow, so this is the last full day here.

The bad news is that I must post my Lappy home to the UK so that it doesn't get lost, damaged, broken or eaten by dingos. {sniff!} We've had some good times together, so the breakup will be tough. :/

The result of all this is that my IQ (Internet Quotient) will drop until I return, which some would say is not such a bad thing! (You may have noticed my falling off of MSN etc. a while back so that my internet abstinence doesn't end up completely cold turkey)

And finally, here is a guide that I have found quite useful. Maybe it will help you too! :)

Tougher than the "Travelling Salesman" problem

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 10:04:00 +0000

Problem:

3,322 photos.
One online photo gallery (not based on your continent, with an odd sense of what they think would make a good UI).
A WiFi broadband connection.

You wish to organise said photos with the correct:

Sets and Collections (Quite often multiple sets/collections per photo).
Tags (Almost always multiple tags per photo).
Permissions (configured via a separate page for each photo).

After three hours of mindnumbing organisation, the answer is: Arnnnng! :D (Perhaps a few more tomorrow... then the next day, then the next.....)

So long, Seven

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 06:55:00 +0000

Yesterday was my last day at Seven. There was cake for brunch*, followed by a JD-fueled lunch of fish and chips at the Point Hotel. My lovely team gave me a card and a gift voucher for Kathmandu (The camping shop).

Carla's birthday dinner was in Darlinghurst at Cafe Pacifico with drinks at The General Roberts pub first (and Finance's drinks at work before that). I tried to slope off into the darkness at one point (claiming wibbleyness) but was dragged back into the fun; and I'm so glad they did pull me back! It was a great evening! :D

Today, after recovering from the Sangria/JD/Blonde beer of last night, I did some shopping with my voucher and performed a trial-pack of my bags for Wednesday's flight to Brisbane :D

* Bad Greg was late for his own cake combined with Carla's birthday cake. (Bad Greg is bad :/)

Lunchtime BBQs

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:30:00 +0000

Today we had a BBQ in the park at the top of Pyrmont for lunch. Huzzar I ate all the pies and now will never eat again! :)

Update 2008-04-05: Contrary to my earlier posting, I did indeed have to eat something later. The BBQ was grand (albeit rather windy), and I wish we'd had a fair few of them over the past six months.

Almost but not quite

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 06:52:00 +0000

There are far fewer than Seven days to go before work ends. In fact, my last day is on Friday! Tomorrow we're all off to have a BBQ in the park for lunch and I hope that Friday will be filled with w00t.

Next week, I fly out to Brisbane and from there, internettles are sporadic, so updates will follow suit.

Yesterday, I learnt about the four conditionals of English grammar from the BBC World Service's "Grammar Challenge" Podcast.

Probability of event	Conditional	Example	Time of Event
100%	zero conditional	If you heat ice, it melts.	any time
50%	first conditional	If it rains, I will stay at home.	future
10%	second conditional	If I won the lottery, I would buy a car.	future
0%	third conditional	If I had won the lottery, I would have bought a car.	past

(Table from www.englishclub.com)

To the bar™!

Book Review #4

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 09:16:00 +0000

Fight Club (Chuck Palahniuk)
First of all, if you haven’t seen the film because of the media hysteria that surrounded it, rent it, buy it, borrow it and watch it. Contrary to the reports at the time, it doesn’t glorify violence (much), but rather charts the decent of a man into (and through) madness... and it made the cinematic Twist popular again.

So, as you can tell, I liked the film. The soundtrack was cool, and I didn’t anticipate the ending*. But anyway, I digress. Back to the review. Oh, it hasn’t started yet. OK, here goes:

Fight Club (Chuck Palahniuk)
This is without doubt the darkest book I have ever read. I picked it up on a whim in A&R, partly out of frustration at not having anything to read. I’m glad I chose it.

Neil Gaiman’s wares are fluffy and sugary by comparison (and I still remember the chill running down my spine as I read his “Fragile Things”). Palahalanlanikie’s book is... dirty too. Far more so than the film. The reader is drawn into the bleak, meaningless life of the protagonists; their empty existence in a world which to them doesn’t care or love them. Just like the film, a lot of it is unbelievable, but Palandromuk’s narrative mix of darkness and sporadic humour kept me hooked^†. It’s not a long book, but I polished it off in a week — Indeed, my index finger was red raw from the speed at which I read it :P

Compared to this book, the film was slightly Disneyfied. The book’s violence and desolateness were ramped down and the relationship between the two characters was played down too. Other than this, the film mostly followed the plot of the book quite diligently, albeit slightly out of order.

A good book, but not to be read by the faint-hearted or easily offended. I enjoyed reading it, but I felt it was missing something. There was lots of substance, but not much soul — although that may well be the point the author was trying to make. Score: B+

*Knowing the ending spoilt the book somewhat, so no, don’t read the film until you’ve seen the book.
† His writing style is heavily colloquial and at times a torrent of conversation with minimal guidance for the reader. I had to banish my inner pedant whilst reading it. He enjoyed the holiday!

“Hogwarts for Pikeys”

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 13:00:00 +0000

I’ve just seen the newly-released-to-Australia St Trinian’s film. Drawn as I was to supporting English cinema, it wasn’t the cinematic event of the year. However, it did make me giggle :)

Interestingly, I found the moments of high hilarity (ie: comedic moments of widdlesome proportions) weren't always shared with my Australian audience. Likewise, they laughed at things that just weren’t funny. It’s weird being the only one laughing at something that is guaranteed humorous back home.

Perhaps it was down to the clever writing, perhaps it was the sweet release of English Humour that I crave (and find in short supply), or maybe it was the copious amount of Red Bull I drank before the trailers, yet I thought it was definitely worth the trip across town* :)

The only major complaint I have – other than at the end, someone who looks dangerously like Peter Mandelson has a bit-part – is that it can’t decide which sort of film to be. Part of the time it’s a children’s film with subtle adult humour to keep the parents happy. Other times it’s more adult, then veers off to Mission Impossible! Whether originally intended as a children’s or older, the Australians gave it a certificate “M”…

On the way home, I fell into a rowdy bus of Americans, playing a variant of Cheddar Gorge but to a series of tappings and slappings. CraZy! Don't they know the rules?

*Double points awarded to Russell Brand’s character’s attempts at playing a German (to persuade someone that he was a famous art dealer) that were clearly modelled on Lt Grüber from Allo Allo. Unfortunately, these points were deducted for excessive product placement.

Heading in the right direction

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:25:00 +0000

I made this video to demonstrate just how amazing Australian transport is!

I filmed it a while back (when I visited Emu Plains), and have only just found it nestled in my PC :) I still have no 'proper' camera, as my Canon Ixus died :( Does anyone have any recommendations? :)

Book underflow error :/

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 04:38:00 +0000

Help! I have run out of things to read, and the local bookshop has nothing that catches my eye (despite spending an hour and a half in there). All suggestions gratefully accepted :)

Mystic Greg's Premonition
Greg's prediction: E-Books will become popular within three hardware generations of the current/gaggle/of contenders, presuming that functionality improves* and sensible (open?) standards are used. But if anyone wants to get me one now, I won't say no! :D

*Greg wants them to let him read Word/PDF/Plucker/Txt/RTF/PPT documents without paying a conversion fee (Amazon, I'm talking to you!), render HTML and let me download RSS feeds without a fee too (greedy Amazon!!!). Perhaps the Asus could take the work they've done with their Eee PC, change the UI to be more static, swap the screen, turn it into a tablet and Bob's yer' uncle! Is it too much to ask? :P

Book Review #3

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 00:38:00 +0000

Another in the occasional series covering the words between covers...

Musicophillia (Oliver Sacks)
I was drawn to the cover of this book some time ago, but didn't get around to buying it. I stumbled upon it once more in a little shop in Crows Nest and out of boredom, bought it as something to further my rather lacklustre musical abilities interests.

You should never judge a book by its cover, and whilst I enjoyed it, the happy-go-lucky typographic joy on the front did not match the heavy prose within. Written in the form of a university dissertation, it discusses the author's research into how music affects the brain, both good and bad. It is filled with heart-warming and saddening case stories of patients he has met, as well as some amusing side-notes on his own personal experiences with music. (One footnote tells of how "Like many medical students in the '60s, I was surviving on large doses of amphetamines and discovered a marked change in my perception of music".) It was these amusing musical anecdotes that kept me hooked through the slower sections of this thick romp through conditions from Alzheimer's to Williams' syndrome (I don't think he covered anything beginning with X, Y or Z, but definitely everything in-between A and W!).

As mentioned, it was a heavy read; both my brain and my index finger were weary after finishing it. Well worth a read, if you want to know just how strongly music affects us all.

Rupert's Adventures in China: How Murdoch lost a fortune and found a wife (Bruce Dover)
Comprising two subjects that are hard to find a balanced and unbiased viewpoint on, Bruce Dover (an ex-News Corp executive) introduces Murdoch to the reader in what appears to be a fairly frank way. He is praised for his successes and his failures are fully documented. It was a pleasant read (although compared to Musicophilia which I had read previously, anything would be an easy read) and the author's style is engaging; I managed to finish it within a week.

The author also paints a fairly frank picture of the Chinese government and its myriad departments and factions. Not knowing that much about the inner workings of Murdoch or the Chinese government, I can't say how true his recollections are, however for the most part, he manages to avoid bitterness towards Murdoch (who fired him) and the Chinese who thwarted his attempts at entry into the lucrative domestic satellite TV market; in 99% of the book, he remains up-beat about Murdoch and summarises the goings on of the government with a level of abstraction.

Worth a read, if only so that you can argue about its findings :)

Proposed Shotgun Rules 2008 Rev1.0

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 13:34:00 +0000

The last official release of the Shotgun Rules for The Glorious Collective (UK Regulatory Body) were published roughly this time last year. The shotgunning landscape has changed significantly over the past twelve months, and so the rules must be adjusted accordingly. With the recent introduction of the Webingnet, we can now disseminate documents to the wider populace; indeed, beyond Buckinghamshire. Should these updated rules be passed by the Opulent Council of the Denham Roundabout, they will come into affect as of 30th March 2008 0000GMT.

(The following is based on the myriad rules of Shotgun on the internet from a few years back, re-written and amended over time with a vague hint of grammar and the addition of appropriate Collective bylaws).

Please take note of rules 1.1 and 2.4.

1. VALID CALLS (IMPLICIT, EXPLICIT AND TACIT)
1.1. Both the the Shotgunner and Driver must be in clear sight of the car.
1.2. If you are the first to be picked up on a journey, you are automatically given shotgun until you violate the other shotgun laws and thus, forfeit your position.
1.3. The driver must clearly hear the Shotgun call.

2. INVALID CALLS
2.1. You cannot declare shotgun if someone has previously declared shotgun for that journey.
2.2. Shotgun cannot be called whilst inside a building (unless the caller(s) and driver are in a multi storey or underground car park)
2.3. Shotgun cannot be called in advance, only whilst on the way to the car for the journey.
2.4. The PENALTY for invalid calling is the forfeiting of all and any shotgun rights for the journey. Repeat offenders may be banned for longer periods at the Driver's discression.
2.5. Any caller who successfully gains Shotgun must not move away from the car. Moving away from the car after receiving Shotgun is classed as an INVALID CALL.
2.6. If Shotgun has already been called: If the driver gets in and reaches over to unlock the shotgun door and the chosen Shotgun opens it before its actually unlocked..(this happens when the driver is still trying to unlock it and person pulls on handle) they have to give up there rights as Shotgun, having just comited Shotgun suicide.

3. BOUNDARY-CASE CALLS AND CALLS OF CONTENTION
3.1. When simultaneous shotgun is called:
3.1.a. If ALL the callers are more than one car length from the vehicle, there is then a foot race to the passenger side door from the all the people who called.
3.1.b. IF ANY or NONE of the callers are within a car-length from the vehicle, an adudicated round (or three rounds) of Paper/Scisors/Stone will be held.
3.2. In the occurrence of more than one pirate then a sword fight shall determine the successful Shotgunner.

4. ALLOCATION OF THE REMAINING SEATS
4.1. Once shotgun has been called, then back left and back right can be called, thus leaving the fifth person who is travelling in the middle (or the "bitch" seat)
4.2. (Collective Corrigenda) The LAST person to call "I aint' no bitch" has to sit in the bitch seat if no other seat is available.
4.3. The claim/disclaim of the remaining seats can ONLY be made after a Shotgun call has been made. (The Shotgun does not have to be confirmed.)
4.3.a. Failure to adhere to this rule will be classed as an INVALID CALL. The caller forfeits any claims to a specific requested/unwanted seat.

5. SPECIFIC EXCEPTIONS (MOST IMPORTANT FIRST)
5.1. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.
5.2. The Pirate Rule - If One of the potential occupants of the vehicle is dressed (convincingly) as a pirate then they are given automatic shotgun. [Refer to rule 3.2.]
5.3. Automatic "Couple's Rights act 1997". If the driver is the boyfriend/girlfriend of a passenger in the car, the said passenger has the right to the seat of their choice.

6. DRIVER AUTHORITY AND ROLE
6.1. All decisions by the Driver are final. Anyone who disagrees with his/her decision has committed an INVALID CALL.
6.2. The Driver can choose (at their disgression) a "Designated Drunk", who will accept all offers of alcohol (toasts, free drinks etc) that the driver receives and cannot accept.
6.3. The Driver has ultimate control of radio/cd player/etc. and cabin temperature. However, the Driver can delegate control to the Shotgun.

7. SHOTGUN AUTHORITY AND ROLE
7.1. All navigational functions required by the driver must be performed by the Shotgunner.
7.2. The Shotgunner must shout "TETSUO!!!" to the Driver's call of "AKIRA!!!".
7.3. The Shotgunner must graciously accept control of radio/cd player/etc and/or control of cabin temperature.
7.3.a. The Shotgunner must graciously relinquish control of the above, at the driver's request.
7.3.b. If the Shotgun plays (or allows to play by tacit acceptance) any song by Take That, the Shotgunner will be automatically demoted to the Bitch seat.
7.4. The Shotgunner is expected to control unruly behaviour by passengers in the rear.
7.5. Holding Shotgun position gives no right whatsoever to correct the driver on their navigation skills ("Take a left here you dickhead!") or driving ability ("I'd be in third gear if I was driving") if the Shotgun does this, they forfeit their position as Shotgun.
20. The Shotgunner assumes the responsibility for all gate opening, off licence nipping into, takeaway ordering and question asking. He/she is, in essence the co-pilot and therefore the enforcer of behaviour in the vehicle and exacter of slaps/punches/bitchslaps/hissyfitting at the passengers in the back.

8. CLARIFICATIONS
8.1. ALL callers and potential callers are equal (with the exceptions described in the SPECIFIC EXCEPTIONS section).
8.2. Shotgun overrules Dibs, Baggsy's and and other girly calls!
8.3. If someone says "What's shotgun?" after it has been called then they have to walk.
8.4. When riding in a 2/3 door car it is the role of the Shotgun Rider to allow rear passengers in and out of the back of the car NOT the Driver's.

Royal National Park

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 09:04:00 +0000

Today I visited the Royal National Park, 30km south of Sydney. Oooo meh feet! I've walked miles & miles... then, realising that my destination (that I had planned so carefully back at the apartment) was in the middle of nowhere, with no buses to get back to civilisation, I had to walk miles & miles more :/

Started at Waterfall, walked to Uloola Falls, then to Audley, where I bought a lolly. Then walked up Honeymoon Track to Loftus, where I discovered a deserted and overgrown railway station (both cool, and "Bugger, how am I to get home?"), then walked along the hard shoulder of the Princes Highway until I fell into Sutherland.

Lovely place tho'. Barely saw anyone all day, apart from at Audley (did I mention I bought a lolly?). Photos to arrive on Flickr shortly :)

Having a day off too many!

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 03:41:00 +0000

Following agile processes and techniques, I had a bit of free time, so refactored the previous post into LOLCode, which meets my needs of indentation, and as such is a far superior solution.

HAI
GIMMEH Fudz IN MAH BUKKET R YARNs "Spaghetti bolognese" AN "Stirfrii" AN "Sossidges un Beenz" AN "StakeunChips" DEN "Mixd beenz an rice stuff"
I HAZ A lengf, ITZ HAWLONG IZ Fudz?
I HAZ A spagycount ITZ NUN
I HAZ A sturfrii ITZ NUN
IM IN YR LOOP
   IZ spagycount EQWAL TO WUN?
   YARLY
      NOM Spaghetti Bolognese
      spagycount IZ NOW NUN!
      GO BAX!
   KTHX
   IZ sturfrii EQWAL TO WUN?
   YARLY
      NOM Sturfrii
      sturfrii IS NOW NUN!
      GO BAX!
   KTHX
   I HAZ A meel ITZ IN MAH BUKKET OF Fudz AT RANDUM!
   NOM meel
   meel WTF?
      OMG Spaghetti Bolognese!
         UP spagycount, GTFO!
      OMG Stirfrii!
         UP sturfrii, GTFO!
      OMG WTF?
         GTFO!
   IZ MAH SANITY SMALR THAN NUN?
   YARLY
      GTFO AN GET CHEEZBURGR!
   KTHX
IM OUTA YR LOOP
KTHXBYE

As before, points will be awarded for explaining the two special cases :) Will there be an MHEG-5 version? Alas no, it breaks my heart to think of it.

Basic eating

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 06:33:00 +0000

Here's a quick summary of my eating habits at the moment....

10 DIM meals = ( "Spaghetti bolognese", "Stir-fry", ↷
"Sossidges & Beans", "Steak & Chips", ↷
"Mixed Bean & Rice thing" )
15 length = LEN(meals)
17 spagCnt = 0
19 sfCnt = 0
20 DO
30 IF spagCnt = 1
40 GOSUB cook("Spaghetti bolognese")
50 spagCnt = 0
55 GOTO 20
60 END IF
70 IF sfCnt = 1
80 GOSUB cook("Stir-fry")
90 sfCnt = 0
100 GOTO 20
110 END IF
120 meal$ = meals(INT(length * RND) + 1)
125 GOSUB cook(meal$)
130 IF meal$ = "Spaghetti bolognese"
140 spagCnt = 1
150 END IF
160 IF meal$ = "Stir-fry"
170 sfCnt = 1
180 END IF
190 UNTIL (Sanity < 0)
200 GOTO TAKEOUT!

Points awarded for explaining the reason for the two special cases :)

Yes, I have way too much time on my hands and am quite possibly losing my mind.

Two things I have discovered from doing this are:

Blogger's editor is 4TS and fudges things up if you try to do clever things in the "Edit Html" section first.

The one thing I really missed when writing this was the Indentation. Please find your nearest programmer, inspect his/her code and if you find it wanting in indentation, head-slap them.
Repeatedly.
Until.
They.
Learn.
GOTO head-slap.

I ♥ Sydney

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 07:44:00 +0000

Since finally knuckling down and booking my flights out of Sydney, I've come to the startling conclusion that I'm in love with the city, and almost don't want to leave.

I've spent a long time pondering what it is about it that I adore. Perhaps too much time. What has made this love even more confusing is that Sydneysiders are a cliquey bunch at the best of times; settling in has proved problematic. Coupled with my turbulent flatshare, there is very little reason for me to love it.

But love it, I do, and after much pondering, here - in no particular order - are my reasons why you should love it too... :D

Communal BBQs are in most outlying parks. Got a sossidge to cook? Stick a coin or two into the BBQ and get a-grilling. - But that's not the main reason why I love Sydney.
Go home on a Ferry, past the opera house and under the bridge, to Luna park or trendy Balmain. - Nor this.
Live in a city with more green than you care to consider. There are parks, reserves and leafy walkways everywhere. - Not this.
Enjoy civic events almost every other week. Noodles in the park, Australia day, Christmas BBQs and of course, NYE are just for starters.

No, it's the people that make the city so wonderful for me. Even though they stick to their own small groups, they're almost all professionals at chilling out and living The Australian Dream. It took a while for me to realise that this was the main reason for my love of Sydney. And it's surprising, as I've not been able to sidle my way into their groups.

I came to this conclusion earlier today, and have spend the rest of the day thinking about how best to describe them. The best I can come up with is that Sydneysiders are from Pleasantville.

Perhaps it's Australia's distance from the rest of the world. By this, I refer to both the physical sense and the lack of participation on the world stage; TV and newspapers seem to find "big" news hard to find locally, so often turn to the UK and US for their juicy stories. This gives a certain sense of remoteness from the foreign misery and darkness that Sydneysiders hear of. As such, the locals are an honest, open, innocent bunch, lacking the hard cynicism of Londoners (myself included). And this is what I love.

Generic Unspecified Post #1

noreply@blogger.com (Greg) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 08:17:00 +0000

Here's a quick roundup of goings on here in Sydney:

Met up with Rene (of Beeb fame) for a grand lunch at the Star City Casino (opposite work). Was great to catch up and she looked as well as ever.
Inspected Paddington Market. Deemed it good, despite it not selling much that I would want (Beads, arty things, bracelets, necklaces etc)... well, maybe the necklaces caught my eye :P Discovered a Wagamamas nearby.
Went back to my local Wagamamas after a 1 month hiatus. The girl recognised me and ordered my usual before I had sat down!
Have been accused of being weird by my boss on 3 separate occasions since I last mentioned it in this blog. On the plus side, the head of IT Networks was sad to hear of my departure, saying that I was the only one that knew what was going on. This cheered me up no end, as I was feeling rather glum.
Ah yes... I leave work on 4th April, ready for pastures new.
Handed my one month's notice to my landlady. I fly out on 9th April to glorious Brissy, where I shall be residing in the finest YHA in the city.
My camera is broken; a bit of plastic on the SD card snapped off inside it. No photos on flickr until I can get it to a shop to be repaired.
Last but not least, I am now the proud owner of a travel towel.